Every scar is a bridge to someones broken heart...

This week I have rediscovered Thrice's Album Vheissu and it has lyrically and melodically been making my life. This is an album I literally wore out while I was in high school. It really spoke to where I was at personally as well as spiritually then and it seems to have come full circle now. While their sound may not be for everyone...lyrically Thrice has had an increasing theological and soteriological presence throughout their discography that really anyone with an interest in such a matter can find beautiful. To my ears this is the album that really solidified their foundation as a band who had come to understand their basis spiritually to lie somewhere within Christianity. In saying this I am not saying that they are a "Christian band" as that holds a whole can of worms I never wish to associate with Thrice...but none the less it would be painful to ignore the subtle and not so subtle Christian influences coming to the forefront of their writing in this album. In someways I would even call Vheissu their own "coming out" disk of sorts as it is clear from the lyrical content that the writer at least is no longer spiritually searching for a direction but rather is in pursuit of a particular line of belief and faith. Below are a few lyrics that really stand out to me as such...

Image Of The Invisible :
we're more than carbon and chemicals
free will is ours and we can't let go
we can't allow this, the quiet cull
so we sing out this, our canticle
we are the image of the invisible
we all were lost now we are found
no one can stop us or slow us down
we are all named and we are all known
we know that we'll never walk alone
we're more than static and dial tone
we're emblematic of the unknown
raise up the banner, bend back your bows
remove the cancer, take back your souls
we are the image of the invisible

Moths To Flame :
once again the bread and wine
but it seems the meanings may be deeper still this time
and you surprised me when you said I'd fall away, don't you know me
I could never be ashamed of you, no I?
I've never been this cold, the fire's gravity compels
like planets cling to sol, I feel my orbit start to fail
like moths to flame I come, too close and all my oaths are burned
as stars begin to run, all my accusers take their turn
and calling curses down, from my lips lies like poison spill
and then that awful sound, the sound of prophesy fulfilled
and then I met your eyes, and I remember everything
and something in me dies, the night that I betrayed my king

While I find the lyrical content of Image of the Invisible to resemble a battle cry for the 21st century...I think the lyrical beauty of Moth to Flame in re-telling the betrayal of Jesus at the hands of Peter to be quite stunning and almost Psalm like. If you havnt really looked into Thrice please do. If your not a fan of the genre of music...check out their lyrics of newer stuff. They have mellowed out as the years have gone on but still have managed to maintain their melodic swells and lyrical genius.

Glad I remembered this disk. Its been making my week. I'll leave you with the track I could not live without on this album. Pretty sure it is the reason the disk got worn out...

Skakes

Trust

I often find myself drawn to bargain book bins in Christian book stores. Why am I? Really I cant answer that...as I really could not tell you. What I do know is that every once and a while I find a jem of a book that ends up really speaking to where I am at. The above book is one such jem I found in 2005 and unlike many of the jems i have found I have actually managed to keep this one. I am one of those crazy book givers who feels the need to share the life changing books i have read with others. So usually when I am done such a book i promptly pass it on to someone else. But this book "Who can you Trust: overcoming betrayal and fear" by Howard E. Butt jr. is a work I am glad I have held on to. Having read it over 5 years ago i am excited to read it with new eyes and hope it can help me come to terms with a lot of issues I foresee myself going through in the next term. I'll keep ya posted on how its 2nd read goes.

Skakes

It is not the greatness of our faith, but the greatness of our God, which counts

"Faith is about being prepared to put one's trust in the promises of God, and the integrity and faithfulness of the God who made those promises. Faith is only as strong as the one in whom we believe and trust. The efficacy of faith does not rest upon the intensity with which we believe, but in the reliability of the one in whom we believe. It is not the greatness of our faith, but the greatness of our God, which counts". - Anglican Theologian Alister McGrath presenting Martin Luther's convictions.

Admittedly this quote is not how I would have envisioned started this new blog...but I feel it is fitting of where I feel I am at right at this very moment. If I said this week has been anything but difficult I would be lying. Yet as of right now I feel a peace I haven't felt for a long while. This peace in the midst of the storm this week is nothing but a testament to where I am at right now, rather I should say where God had brought and led me. I guess I should maybe explain. This week has given me more then a few chances to loose my pieces of my faith in God, in friends, and in love. If you would have told me a week ago today that within 7 days I would feel absolutely and completely destroyed mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally I would have said that could never happen. Yet it did. It sure did.

Last Monday I remembered the loss of a very good friend, mentor, and "sister" Krista. It was a devastating day on many levels as I slowly but surely became all to aware that I was far from over grieving the loss of her. The loss hit sometime around lunch and really never left my side for the remainder of the next few days. If you have ever lost someone, someone close, you will know the feeling I am describing. I think the feelings of deep grief associated with her sudden passing were only surmounted by the fact that they were accompanied a deep anger with God over the situation of her passing. She had just given birth to her third child. A beautiful girl who's brother and sister, mother and father, and an entire camp of kids and coaches welcomed into the world with a cheer and a great to do as Krista and her husband were and are pure gold. 2 days after the birth of her daughter krista suffered a massive blood clot at home, and while she was rushed to hospital and had an entire host of family friends and strangers praying for her she passed on. So remembering her loss for me is always a mixed bag of emotions. I feel so blessed to have had her in my life as she truly showed me how to be a woman of God and love. I am saddened for her families loss of a great mother. I am angered by Gods distance at times through dealing with her loss. Often people will speak of getting to ask God one question when they get to heaven. For the longest time I always said I wouldn't really have anything to ask him...but upon Krista's death I knew that question would have to be why Krista? Why now? What is your plan in this brokeness as it surely cant be worth her loss? Yet as mad at God as I can find myself upon remembering Krista i cant help but also rejoice at the life she had lived. The impact she had through her life and her death. I just wish things could have been very different...

This week was also a test of my ability to find the will, grace, humility, and understanding to do the "right thing" when deeply stirred emotionally. While this seemed to be the theme of my week with friends, family, and ex's it came to a head on Saturday that in my deepest nightmares I could have never had imagined. In one phone call my heart was broken, my trust in many things was destroyed, and a great wound of pain was reopened. As the call and its gravity took hold the lies I had worked so hard to displace from my inner most being over the last 6 months began to resurface in the back of my mind. While the revelation of the call brought back many feelings I had never wished to relive God granted me the peace in the moment to deal with the individual with a level of rationally I could have never thought possible. For that I thankful as without that gift this would have all been such a greater mess. I am now just praying he can continue to work in the situation in my heart, and in their heart, to bring healing and wholeness as i know only God can to a situation such as this. I have already felt God give me a peace and an understanding of the call and enough wisdom and grace to know the difference between the individual and their actions. I can only hope and pray that the individual can come to see themselves through the eyes God has granted me to see them through...and that when this person is finally able to forgiver themselves that God will grant me the heart and courage to do the same. All I can do now is intrust the individual and the situation into Gods hands trusting that He will work to bring right to so much wrong and find a way to mend several very broken hearts and souls.

Needless to say I have a lot of praying, seeking, and thinking ahead of me this week. While this past week was a piece of work I look forward to the week to come with its new beginnings, hope for the future, and return of much that is known to be tested and true.

Skakes