journey begun...

1 Corinthians 1.26-31

Consider your own call, brothers and sisters: not many of you were
wise by human standards, not many were powerful, not many were

of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame

the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;

God chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are

not, to reduce to nothing things that are, so that no one might

boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ

Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and

sanctification and redemption, in order that, as it is written, ‘Let the

one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’

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Last week I began a journey that I have been patiently awaiting for years. Going to seminary has been a calling I have felt on my life for the better part of the last 5 years and I feel really blessed to finally be walking in that calling today. It has been a bit surreal to realized that I am actually here, that I am actually doing this, and that they are not going to ask me to go home anytime soon! I am the only entering Lutheran MDiv track student this year joining an onsite student body of 10. All the students and professors have been welcoming and supportive of this new journey I have begun and I am loving every minute of it so far. 

I am living with a fellow student this year in a house off campus and my living situation could not be better if I tried! She is in her final year of study and has already showed me the in's and out's of seminary and turned out to be a great friend. She knows all the coolest places to eat, enjoys singing random songs, and we try to fellowship as much as we can together in meals or time shared. I am really stoked to get to know her better throughout the year. 

This year the seminary is trying something new...they are offering the majority of their classes as 3 week intensives. For me this mean I will have 4 courses by this intensive style and 1 semester long class. For this first period I have Pentateuch as my intensive and Liturgy as my term long class. Thanks to Erin for lending me all the awesome hebrew bible books! They are really coming in handy! I am feeling really good in classes so far. My undergrad at the U of L preparied me well for seminary so a big shout out to all my professors back home :)

I hope to update this semi-regularly so pop back and see whats going on in my world every few days! 

Much love to you all both near and far. Miss all your faces! 

Shalom,

Skakes

my mother worked in a bakery

Today I was given the chance to preach and lead a church service at my home congregation for the second time. It was a very cool experience to be able to preach and lead a service for a group of people I love and care for a great deal. I would like to thank my good friend Rebecca for giving my sermon a once over before I preached. I am blessed with many good preaching friends who have passed on their views, thoughts, and wisdom. 

Hope you enjoy it! 

Skakes

John 6:24-35

²⁴So when the crowd saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they themselves got into the boats and went to Capernaum looking for Jesus. ²⁵When they found him on the other side of the sea, they said to him, “Rabbi, when did you come here?” ²⁶Jesus answered them, “Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. ²⁷Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For it is on him that God the Father has set his seal.”

²⁸Then they said to him, “What must we do to perform the works of God?” ²⁹Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” ³⁰So they said to him, “What sign are you going to give us then, so that we may see it and believe you? What work are you performing? ³¹Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’” ³²Then Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. ³³For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” ³⁴They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.” ³⁵Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

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May the words of my mouth and this mediation of my heart be pleasing in your sight Lord, our strength and our redeemer. Amen. 

For as long as I can remember, the sweet smell of freshly baked bread has reminded me of my mother. Her job working in a bakery required many hours spent behind the counter sorting loaves, bagging bread, and ensuring that the ever diminishing stock of baked goods on the shelves were always full. These hours spent in and amongst the bread meant that she arrived home from work with the sweet smell of baking on her apron, which would soon envelop me in the warm embrace of a hug. 

As a child excitedly waiting for my mother to arrive home from the bakery, I watched with anticipation for her to get out of the car and open the trunk to see what treasured baked goods awaited my sister and I. Most days it was fresh loaves of bread but sometimes, when we were lucky, it would be chocolate covered danishes, cupcakes, or my favorite - meringue puffs. On these special days our hugs may not have lasted as long as my sister and I clamored to be the first in line to receive a treasured treat before we were told to put them away. So for me the smell of freshly baked bread has created a tangible memory of my mother: one that evokes many sweet memories and the provision of food she supplied for our hungry stomachs.

I suspect a similar memory was triggered on the shores of Galilee when Jesus and the disciples fed 5000. As the culture was orally based, many of the 5000 would have heard time, and time again, the extraordinary story of their ancestors fleeing Egypt, following Moses into the wilderness, without any provisions except the miracle of manna from Heaven. Having this story fresh in their minds, many gathered on the banks of Galilee may have considered Jesus to be a modern day Moses. A man capable of being their leader out of the captivity of Caesar’s rule, while calling down food from heaven for provision on their journey toward the thrown. Or perhaps more simply they were hungry and looking for that next free meal. 

Whatever the case may have been, Jesus quickly assesses the situation when the crowd of followers from Galilee finds him once again in Capernum. They approach Jesus and his disciples like children who have been waiting for their next meal, asking their rabbi when he had left them. You can almost hear them forming the next question “Now, what’s for dinner?” When Jesus lets them know they clearly have misunderstood what had happened yesterday, you can almost hear the disappointment in his voice. “Very truly you are looking for me not because you saw signs but because you ate loaves.” Jesus is asking, You ate till you were satisfied, but what did this get you other than a full stomach? You returned to me again today hungry and wanting. Why would you ask me for food that will rot away, when you can receive for food that will last for eternity? 

To the crowd of hungry followers, the offering of an eternal meal sounded like quite the bargain. So they began to ask Jesus how they could work to acquire such a meal. Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” This answer may seem straight forward enough for us today, but for some reason this crowd, even after having been fed an extraordinary meal, responds by asking Jesus for a further sign so that they may believe him. In my books, feeding 5000 people with only 5 loaves and 2 fish is a sign to end all signs. But I guess to that crowd Jesus’ miraculous meal seemed less then amazing. It was like they were telling Jesus to show them something they had not seen before. “Moses gave our ancestors manna from heaven to eat for 40 years straight, you feed us one meal and expect us to follow you?” 

While manna in the wilderness long ago was a wonderful miracle, the piece that the crowd seemed to be missing was that it was a foretaste of a larger plan of God. As great as the gift of manna was, it was still just food. Those who had eaten manna were long dead, and even if Jesus provided a miraculous full course meal on that hillside, for the next 40 years, the 5000 would eventually die someday as well. 

What good is it, Jesus seems to be saying, if your stomachs are full but you have no idea who is the author of your feast? 

What good is it if you settle for full stomachs, when you also have the option to have full souls?

 It was God the father who gave you Manna. Manna met your ancestors physical needs just as the meal I provided for you yesterday, but the true bread I offer you today is so much more then that.

Who is the author of your feast? 

In the midst of our consumer driven, individualist world, where are you fed? Sometimes it is easier to ignore our hunger then to truly feed it. Sometime it is to painful to truly open up the woulds that have left our hearts empty and our souls stagnant. A quick trip the the mall for some retail therapy will give us a quick boost of dopamine, enabling us to forget about the fight we had with our children last night, and the regret of the words we had said. Perhaps we keep ourselves busy enough with meetings, work, facebook, and friends to forget about how utterly alone we feel when everything is silent and the distractions have been turned off. Or maybe it goes deeper then that, maybe you fear that if anyone every knew who you really were, with all your insecurities, lies, and shortcomings, they would turn and run the other way. So you hide behind a mask of who you think society says you should be, pretending the real you does not exist. But all of these solutions are simply a mask, a way to numb the pain this world can and does cause us. A way to keep the hunger at bay long enough to reach the end of another week.

When I was young I associated the sweet sugary offerings of my mother as an act of love.Which I am sure they were in part...but not to the extent of the sugary formula I had constructed in my mind.  Her love for me was deeper then any sugary confectionary could hold. Days when she did not bring my sister or I home a special treat did not mean she loved us any less. In fact the sustenance she provided instead, in the midst of our cries, proved that she loved us even more. Something I have grown to understand as we all have. That true love feeds us deeper then our superficial wants and hungers ever could. As Jesuit Priest Henry Nouwen once said a parents love for their child is like  God’s love for his children. It often grows and deepens when the child struggles, falters, or is weak. 

“I am the bread of Life. 

Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, 

and whoever believes in me 

will never be thirsty.”

Patiently Jesus invites us to his table wherever we are at. Through the midst of our ignorance and misunderstanding of his signs and wonders, beyond our wants and desires for personal gain, through our inner suffering and pain, he walks with us to his banquet. It does not matter to him if we have eaten recently or we cant remember the last time we had truly partaken in his all sustaining meal of grace and peace. He offers himself to a world bent on gaining all they can for this life, while he freely presents himself as a sacrifice for this life and the life to come. One that we may not fully understand at times, but one that he calls each one of us to by name. 

So if this world has made you feel inferior, come and eat.

If your days seem long and your body is week, come and eat.

If the loneliness of your loss is dragging you to the depths of despair, come and eat.

Jesus invites us today and alway to his all sustaining feast. 

We gather here today hungry. Needing to be fed and Christ has spread for us a meal that is served with the abundance that only Christ offers us. A feast that satisfies not only our bodies but our souls. So come and eat, be filled with grace and peace, and be strengthened with the all sustaining love of our Savior and Lord. 

May this be so among us. Amen.

let your light shine through

I am preparing a sermon for this upcoming Sunday on John 6:24-35. It will be the last time I will give a sermon at my home congregation before I leave for seminary in the fall. It is a strange thing to prepare a sermon. Fun, intriguing, prayer inciting, frustrating,and in the end rewarding. It feels good to almost be done...but there is always those questions in the back of my head...what will they think? will it be good enough? Did I play it too safe? Did I proclaim the gospel of grace? I pray it will go over well and that it will convey what I think God has been showing me...but I know that my Father and God of grace is bigger then my sermon, and will accept my efforts as meek as they may be, and turn them into a beautiful offering from my heart. I will post it here after sunday so stay tuned :) Skakes

Whoever

This past week I did something I have been waiting with much worry and angst to do for the last 3 years. This past week I came out to my home congregation during a small group meeting on the issue of human sexuality. While I have talked to many groups of Christians with regards to reconciling my faith and my sexuality none have been as hard as this one. I definitely felt up lifted and empowered by the Holy Spirit and by the prayer of many of my friends and family. Below is the opening statements I made...or rather cried through. I am really glad I was able to say these things along with others throughout the discussions that night. It is a weight off the shoulders in someways and makes being fully me in all areas of my life and world more of an option. I look forward to seeing where these discussions take my church and hope and pray that no matter what side of the issue they end up on, that that will support me in seminary.

Skakes

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that WHOEVER believes in him should not perish but have eternal life". I am one of those "whoever's" and I am also a Lesbian Christian. At the heart of this is accepting who you are before God. "for it was you who formed my inward parts; yo knit me together in my mothers womb" in the words of psalm 139 "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The beginning of sanctity is loving yourself as a creation of God. And that means all of yourself, even the parts that you wish weren't there, the parts that you wish God hasn't made, the parts you lament. God Loves us like a parent loves a child-often more for the parts of the child that are weaker of were the child struggles or falters. More often then not those very weaknesses are the most important paths to holiness because they remind you of your reliance on God.

Speaking of my heros...

Bishop Gene Robinson

I heart this man and these videos. I think after you watch them you will know why I do.

FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO Gene's Excerpt

IT GETS BETTER

BLESSING

Skakes

Your not alone in this you know...

Recently I was out for coffee by a friend and was asked if I had any pastoral mentors? To which I responded,
"Yes! I actually have many mentors that I look up to and that I hope one day to emulate in ministry".
The friend smiled and with kindness in their eye stared back and then re-asked the question,
"I mean to say do you have any queer pastoral mentors?"
I began to explain about my hero Bishop Gene Robinson, and how one day I wished I could meet him. Even if only to give him a hug and say thank you from the bottom of my heart. My friend then looked back at me and said,
"Do you personally know anyone who is queer and in ministry that could mentor you?"
While I wished the answer was yes...its was more like a "yea...yeah I do...um they live in Ontario and there is this really awesome Lesbian couple is traveling in their RV across Canada and the USA since one of them no longer has a job at a church as she was let go due to her 'life style' ".

But the truth in that moment didn't escape me. While I "know of" many queer pastors, I do not know "know" any queer pastors on the same level I would my other pastoral mentors. I know of some supportive peers or people walking the same walk as me maybe a year or 2 a head or behind...but I realized that I was lacking that "Elder-statesmen or Woman" who had already walked the walk, and could offer much needed advice or even a sounding board for what lies ahead. So now I am on a mission to find people, like myself but willing and able to be my mentor as I embark on the road a head. I realize this wont happen over night and I am ok with that. I am looking forward to meeting new people, connecting with those who have gone before me, and gaining knowledge and wisdom from them as I try to make my own way.

Skakes

First Good Shepherd Sermon

This Sunday I gave my first sermon at my home congregation. I have to admit this was a moment I had been avoiding for a while. I guess I just felt a little too much pressure to do well and that scared me off from even attempting it before this point. I have given sermons before but they had always been in conjunction with another organization or at another Church. While these other sermons had been well received it was still a daunting task to write what I did for this Sunday morning. My in-term ministry Pastor Andrew was a great support and help in getting me started and giving me pointers on how to deliver it from the pulpit. Without him this sermon wouldn't have been half as good so this is my big thanks to Andrew! Below you will find the text for that day and the sermon I read. Hope you enjoy it!
Thanks for any feed back:)
Skakes

Mark 1:29-39

Jesus Heals Many

29 As soon as they left the synagogue, they went with James and John to the home of Simon and Andrew. 30 Simon’s mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, and they immediately told Jesus about her. 31 So he went to her, took her hand and helped her up. The fever left her and she began to wait on them.
32 That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. 33 The whole town gathered at the door, 34 and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.

Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place

35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. 36 Simon and his companions went to look for him, 37 and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!”
38 Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.” 39 So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons.



May the words of my mouth and this mediation of my heart be pleasing in your sight Lord, our strength and our redeemer. Amen.

As I stand before you today, with pews full of familiar and loving faces, I cant help but feel overwhelmed by a deep sense of gratitude. Growing up in this congregation was a blessing to me. To see weekly examples of how to care for one another as I observed new and old members being welcomed into our doors each Sunday morning. To have been supported by pillars of faith in the pews around me each week. Many of whom were always more then willing to grab a coffee, share your faith journey with me, and allow me to share mine with you. To be constantly surrounded by a community of caring and loving believers who became the very hands and feet of Jesus allowing me to learn and lean on you in times of need. These are not things every youth is blessed with, but I was. The famed anthropologist Margret Mead once said it takes a village to raise a child and I would venture to say that it takes a congregation to raise a youth in faith. So for these and many other things both great and small I say thank you.

While I have attended Good Shepherd all of my life, some of you may not know me well enough to say where I spent most of my waking hours during my high school years. I would love to tell you it was spent in the library studying to get straight A’s or perhaps working with the model UN club to solve world peace. But, if the truth were to be told, I was a gym rat. I loved to play basketball. Anytime, anywhere, and with anyone. As every school I attended seemed to have a basketball team I always had somewhere to fulfill my need to bounce a ball on a hardwood floor and hear the light swish of a ball gracefully making its way though the net. While the smell of a freshly varnished floor may give many of you a slight headache, for me the smell evokes fond memories of time spent on the court with my teammates and coach.

At the start of our basketball season things were always a bit slow. Without fail it would take the team a few weeks to learn all the plays, get used to playing with one another, and suffer a few epic defeats before getting our feet under us.

Before the day of our first big game my school would be in a state of energized frenzy. The kind only a school full of teenage angst and pride can produce. Teachers and students alike would ask us how we thought the game would go, or if we could pull out the win? They would then often promise us they would be there to cheer us on and true to their word, they would often show up with a band of friends they had told about the game and all of them would be full of all the enthusiasm they could muster. The amount of people that would show up was astounding. They filled the bleachers like a can of sardines, not leaving any bleacher space go unused. The decibels reached in that small space seemed like a thunderstorm of noise approaching that would erupt with claps of thunderous applause then die down to a whisper to allow for a referee to make a call for all to hear. When the game finally ended, our peers, teachers, and family would often rush over to congratulate us after cheering us on to a hard fought victory. They would tell us how exciting it was to be there, how they couldn't wait to come to the next game, or how great it was to get swept up in the game day environment.

I can imagine the excitement of this environment was similar to that which Jesus and his disciples faced in Capernaum. It wasn't everyday that the people had such a sensational teacher, and if they did he certainly did not cast out unclean spirits as Jesus did that day. You can imagine what it would have been there. To be swept up in Jesus teaching, to witness such tangible power. It is easy to see why and how over the course of an afternoon, the entire region of Galilee would be swept up in such a fervor that the entire city ended up on the door step of Simon and Andrew. And to think Jesus was just getting started.

At the beginning of the lesson, we find Jesus and his disciples escaping the growing crowds that were amassing in and around the synagogue, and taking refuge in the house of Simon and Andrew. Upon Jesus entry into the home it is clear that there is a two fold purpose to this particular site of rest; Jesus is told of Simon’s mother-in-law who was sick with a fever. Jesus acts swiftly, lifting the woman up from her death bed and instantly healing her of her fever.

After a moment like this, one would assume the disciples would react with some amazement over what had just occurred. Or perhaps Simon or his mother-in-law would drops to Jesus’ feet praising and thanking him for his act of mercy and healing. But neither of these things occur. In fact just the opposite seems to happen. None of the disciples present make mention of the miracle at hand, and Simons mother-in-law instantly begins serving the whole party as if nothing had even happened in the first place.

While those within the walls of Simon and Andrew’s home may have remained quiet in the mist of a great miracle, the streets of Capernaum echoed with great excitement over the story of the man named Jesus, who had cast out an evil spirit, and had raised a woman from death to new life. After the sun had set, the people of the surrounding Galaleeian countryside brought all the sick or possessed to Jesus. I can not fathom the noise that must had arisen from the streets outside of Simon and Andrews house with half of the countryside camped out in front of their door waiting for Jesus. I can see the streets overcrowded, similar to the gymnasium in my high school years, with all the people packed into the narrow streets waiting for a miracle to happen. People with their sick friends and families, their provisions for the night ahead of them, and whatever animals they had used to help get them there. What if you were one of these people? What if you had made your way with the help of your family to be healed? What would it have been like to sit in the dark and wait for the moment to find out if this man could really restore your life.

Leading up to Jesus’ appearance the crowed began to vibrate with excitement at the the possibility of healing. When Jesus appeared he must have been greeted with great cries of excitement and praise. As Jesus moved though the crowd with his disciples, curing many and casting out demons, it must have seemed the city was coming back to life. Everyone Jesus touched that day had a story of pain, hurting, and suffering, but with Jesus’ healing touch they had new life and a future. A night such as this must have been very exhilarating and exhausting for both Jesus and his new disciples. I can only imagine the high the disciples must have felt after seeing so many lives changed in the course of a few hours, and the tiredness that must have set in as soon as the crowds had gone home. The quietness and calm that would have set over the streets at this moment ,after the miraculous events of that evening, must have been refreshing for not only Jesus, but all of his followers as well.


Throughout high school I would get up at 6:30am, but not do to have time to shower and do my hair and make up for the day. For me, my 6:30 wake ups meant 7am shoot arounds in my high school gym. My Father would drop me off every morning at this early hour so I could sneak in a few moments of alone time in the gym. At that hour, the only people in the school were myself, my coach, and a janitor or two. The school, normally a frenzy of teens and teachers bustling from class to class was in these early moments dark, still, and silent. I would grab the keys from my coach, unlock the gym, turn on a few lights, then start to shoot around. In these early morning moments the silence was almost meditative. With every shot, time seemed to slow down and every bounce of the ball seemed deafening to me in the dark empty gym.

The dark quite of the morning was the one time of day I could be completely alone with my thoughts, my feelings, and God. The meditative act of shooting the ball gave my mine time to release to the frustrations, and worries of my life. In those early hours I found solitude in the space between the night and the busyness the morning would bring. God met me there in that gym and listened as I talked both aloud and in my head about my life and I would leave the gym feeling calm.

Similarly for Jesus rising early, seeking solitude, and praying were a source of comfort, and strength for our Lord to spend intimate time in his Father’s presence. The recording of this small incident in the grand scheme of the earlier healing miracles shows the importance of taking time out of the busy-ness to spiritually rest. Jesus knows the needs of those who are sick but He also acknowledges the absolute necessity of silence and communion with God and he encourages us to enter into the same intimacy. This balance in Jesus’ life was an example to His first disciples, and is even more important in our life where so much emphasis is placed on what people do and achieve. We live in a world of deadlines, a world in which we need a few extra hours in the day, a world of business and clutter, both within our faith life and that of the world. Often I lose sight of the importance of “being”, of spending time with the God who created me.

Jesus reveals how to be a whole person; who gives His time and energy generously and lovingly to those around Him to further the kingdom, but who also gives time and space generously and lovingly to God.

and may this be so among us.