This blog is a testament to my world. A life that functionally exists in two worlds which, at times, are seemly at odds and yet are equally similar at heart. This blog is my attempt at explaining to both worlds I live in the matters important to my heart and my life. Its my way of trying to make the two worlds I live in one while also staying true to myself as a Lesbian Christian.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

my mother worked in a bakery


Today I was given the chance to preach and lead a church service at my home congregation for the second time. It was a very cool experience to be able to preach and lead a service for a group of people I love and care for a great deal. I would like to thank my good friend Rebecca for giving my sermon a once over before I preached. I am blessed with many good preaching friends who have passed on their views, thoughts, and wisdom. 

Hope you enjoy it! 

Skakes

John 6:24-35
24So when the crowd saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they themselves got into the boats and went to Capernaum looking for Jesus. 25When they found him on the other side of the sea, they said to him, “Rabbi, when did you come here?” 26Jesus answered them, “Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. 27Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For it is on him that God the Father has set his seal.”
28Then they said to him, “What must we do to perform the works of God?” 29Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” 30So they said to him, “What sign are you going to give us then, so that we may see it and believe you? What work are you performing? 31Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’” 32Then Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. 33For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” 34They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.” 35Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.
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May the words of my mouth and this mediation of my heart be pleasing in your sight Lord, our strength and our redeemer. Amen. 
For as long as I can remember, the sweet smell of freshly baked bread has reminded me of my mother. Her job working in a bakery required many hours spent behind the counter sorting loaves, bagging bread, and ensuring that the ever diminishing stock of baked goods on the shelves were always full. These hours spent in and amongst the bread meant that she arrived home from work with the sweet smell of baking on her apron, which would soon envelop me in the warm embrace of a hug. 
As a child excitedly waiting for my mother to arrive home from the bakery, I watched with anticipation for her to get out of the car and open the trunk to see what treasured baked goods awaited my sister and I. Most days it was fresh loaves of bread but sometimes, when we were lucky, it would be chocolate covered danishes, cupcakes, or my favorite - meringue puffs. On these special days our hugs may not have lasted as long as my sister and I clamored to be the first in line to receive a treasured treat before we were told to put them away. So for me the smell of freshly baked bread has created a tangible memory of my mother: one that evokes many sweet memories and the provision of food she supplied for our hungry stomachs.
I suspect a similar memory was triggered on the shores of Galilee when Jesus and the disciples fed 5000. As the culture was orally based, many of the 5000 would have heard time, and time again, the extraordinary story of their ancestors fleeing Egypt, following Moses into the wilderness, without any provisions except the miracle of manna from Heaven. Having this story fresh in their minds, many gathered on the banks of Galilee may have considered Jesus to be a modern day Moses. A man capable of being their leader out of the captivity of Caesar’s rule, while calling down food from heaven for provision on their journey toward the thrown. Or perhaps more simply they were hungry and looking for that next free meal. 
Whatever the case may have been, Jesus quickly assesses the situation when the crowd of followers from Galilee finds him once again in Capernum. They approach Jesus and his disciples like children who have been waiting for their next meal, asking their rabbi when he had left them. You can almost hear them forming the next question “Now, what’s for dinner?” When Jesus lets them know they clearly have misunderstood what had happened yesterday, you can almost hear the disappointment in his voice. “Very truly you are looking for me not because you saw signs but because you ate loaves.” Jesus is asking, You ate till you were satisfied, but what did this get you other than a full stomach? You returned to me again today hungry and wanting. Why would you ask me for food that will rot away, when you can receive for food that will last for eternity? 
To the crowd of hungry followers, the offering of an eternal meal sounded like quite the bargain. So they began to ask Jesus how they could work to acquire such a meal. Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” This answer may seem straight forward enough for us today, but for some reason this crowd, even after having been fed an extraordinary meal, responds by asking Jesus for a further sign so that they may believe him. In my books, feeding 5000 people with only 5 loaves and 2 fish is a sign to end all signs. But I guess to that crowd Jesus’ miraculous meal seemed less then amazing. It was like they were telling Jesus to show them something they had not seen before. “Moses gave our ancestors manna from heaven to eat for 40 years straight, you feed us one meal and expect us to follow you?” 
While manna in the wilderness long ago was a wonderful miracle, the piece that the crowd seemed to be missing was that it was a foretaste of a larger plan of God. As great as the gift of manna was, it was still just food. Those who had eaten manna were long dead, and even if Jesus provided a miraculous full course meal on that hillside, for the next 40 years, the 5000 would eventually die someday as well. 
What good is it, Jesus seems to be saying, if your stomachs are full but you have no idea who is the author of your feast? 
What good is it if you settle for full stomachs, when you also have the option to have full souls?
 It was God the father who gave you Manna. Manna met your ancestors physical needs just as the meal I provided for you yesterday, but the true bread I offer you today is so much more then that.
Who is the author of your feast? 
In the midst of our consumer driven, individualist world, where are you fed? Sometimes it is easier to ignore our hunger then to truly feed it. Sometime it is to painful to truly open up the woulds that have left our hearts empty and our souls stagnant. A quick trip the the mall for some retail therapy will give us a quick boost of dopamine, enabling us to forget about the fight we had with our children last night, and the regret of the words we had said. Perhaps we keep ourselves busy enough with meetings, work, facebook, and friends to forget about how utterly alone we feel when everything is silent and the distractions have been turned off. Or maybe it goes deeper then that, maybe you fear that if anyone every knew who you really were, with all your insecurities, lies, and shortcomings, they would turn and run the other way. So you hide behind a mask of who you think society says you should be, pretending the real you does not exist. But all of these solutions are simply a mask, a way to numb the pain this world can and does cause us. A way to keep the hunger at bay long enough to reach the end of another week.
When I was young I associated the sweet sugary offerings of my mother as an act of love.Which I am sure they were in part...but not to the extent of the sugary formula I had constructed in my mind.  Her love for me was deeper then any sugary confectionary could hold. Days when she did not bring my sister or I home a special treat did not mean she loved us any less. In fact the sustenance she provided instead, in the midst of our cries, proved that she loved us even more. Something I have grown to understand as we all have. That true love feeds us deeper then our superficial wants and hungers ever could. As Jesuit Priest Henry Nouwen once said a parents love for their child is like  God’s love for his children. It often grows and deepens when the child struggles, falters, or is weak. 
“I am the bread of Life. 
Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, 
and whoever believes in me 
will never be thirsty.”
Patiently Jesus invites us to his table wherever we are at. Through the midst of our ignorance and misunderstanding of his signs and wonders, beyond our wants and desires for personal gain, through our inner suffering and pain, he walks with us to his banquet. It does not matter to him if we have eaten recently or we cant remember the last time we had truly partaken in his all sustaining meal of grace and peace. He offers himself to a world bent on gaining all they can for this life, while he freely presents himself as a sacrifice for this life and the life to come. One that we may not fully understand at times, but one that he calls each one of us to by name. 
So if this world has made you feel inferior, come and eat.
If your days seem long and your body is week, come and eat.
If the loneliness of your loss is dragging you to the depths of despair, come and eat.
Jesus invites us today and alway to his all sustaining feast. 
We gather here today hungry. Needing to be fed and Christ has spread for us a meal that is served with the abundance that only Christ offers us. A feast that satisfies not only our bodies but our souls. So come and eat, be filled with grace and peace, and be strengthened with the all sustaining love of our Savior and Lord. 
May this be so among us. Amen.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

let your light shine through

I am preparing a sermon for this upcoming Sunday on John 6:24-35. It will be the last time I will give a sermon at my home congregation before I leave for seminary in the fall. It is a strange thing to prepare a sermon. Fun, intriguing, prayer inciting, frustrating,and in the end rewarding. It feels good to almost be done...but there is always those questions in the back of my head...what will they think? will it be good enough? Did I play it too safe? Did I proclaim the gospel of grace? I pray it will go over well and that it will convey what I think God has been showing me...but I know that my Father and God of grace is bigger then my sermon, and will accept my efforts as meek as they may be, and turn them into a beautiful offering from my heart. I will post it here after sunday so stay tuned :) Skakes